Small Steps
by Smudge93
Summary: Little one shots of Dean easing himself into 'normal' with Lisa. Set S6.
1. Chapter 1

Hi

I know this is not what I should be writing but I have had this idea for a little while now. This should be a little collection of one-shot chapters that stand alone but should work side by side of Dean trying to settle into normal.

Not sure if it'll end up just this one or if there will be hundreds (not likely) but I hope you like each one. Mary x

Walls and 'If' are coming. Promise!

He stood there in the hall, bag at his feet and smiled awkwardly at Lisa.

"Is that it?," she asked gently, her gaze dropping to the duffle as she did.

"Well unless you want the arsenal in the trunk in your house," he gave the bag a kick, "that's it."

Lisa smiled softly. "No, no arsenal in the house please."

She stepped forward to pick up the duffle but Dean stopped her. "I think I can manage on my own. Where do you want me?" He wanted to turn round, just open the door and head back to the cemetery but, damn it, he'd promised he'd try so here he was.

For better or for worse, he was trying.

"I cleared out a couple of drawers for you in the bedroom, come on, I'll show you where." Holding out her hand she waited until Dean had picked up the bag and then gripped his free one, then slowly she led him upstairs.

The room wasn't what he expected, but then, he didn't know what he had expected. It was homely. He liked that. "What," he offered with a smile that was maybe the first genuine one that he'd worn all day, "no pink or frills?"

"Just the nightie," she smiled back and he laughed. A little hollow sounding but still, it eased something in his chest. Dulled a little of the pain of _alone_ that had been there since Sam had gone into the pit.

He flashed her as good a grin at that as he could manage and then dropped the duffle down on her bed. _Their bed,_ he suddenly realised.

"I'm gonna take a shower before we turn in," Lisa said, breaking him from his thoughts. She walked over and pulled open two drawers of the chest by the window. "Here."

Coming back to him she reached up and gently kissed his cheek. "It's going to be okay Dean. We'll work it out, somehow, we'll work it out. Small steps," she smiled. "I'll let you get yourself settled in." With that she grabbed her very non-pink night wear from under the pillow and disappeared into the bathroom.

Dean looked at the drawers and then down to the duffle in front of him. Finally he unzipped it, pulled what he needed for the night from it and then dumped the whole thing in the bottom drawer and slid it shut.

"I can do that," he echoed. "Small steps."


	2. Chapter 2

**Author's Chapter Notes:**

Another one. These probably won't all be in time order but for now they are.

A little relationship-y one.

…

Dean turned his head as he felt Lisa shift beside him, obviously awake. "Can't sleep either?," she asked rolling onto her side to face him.

"Not used to sharing a bed I guess," he replied pushing himself upright against the headboard as he did. "Well not for more than a few hours at least and never for sleep." He tried for light, almost making it.

Lisa laughed softly. "Me neither and yeah, I don't remember getting too much sleep the last time I had you in my bed."

Dean chuckled at that, shifted as if to get up but she raised a hand to his arm stilling his movements. "Why me?"

Confusion lit his face for a moment and then understanding worked it from his features. He slid back in, turning to face her but not looking at her, his head dipped down onto his chest. "I came back a few times." He paused for so long that she was tempted to break the silence with a question but she knew he wasn't finished so she let patience win. Finally he rolled onto his back and closed his eyes. "After that weekend, I came back to see you."

"You did?" She slid closer, wished he would look at her.

"Yeah," he laughed, embarrassment colouring it a little. "You're kinda a hard girl to forget."

"I am?" She tried for coy, missing it by a mile.

He turned then, green eyes bright even in the darkness of the room. "Not many people I've spent a whole weekend with. Not many I've thought about since either." He raised his hand and made as if to touch her face but the movement stalled before he made contact and the hand dropped back down to his side. "Still, didn't matter, by the time I got there you were gone."

She snorted a laugh.

"What's so funny?," he asked a little put out looking at her laughing at him coming back to seek her out.

"I got restless. Packed my bag up the week after you left, thought I'd hit the road for a while, see what it was like." It was her turn to look away. "What I could find."

Something in the way she said it got to him. "Were you looking for something in particular?," he queried.

Lisa sighed, brought her gaze back to him, a smile on her lips. "You know how I told you that I had a type? Well you set the mold. You were the first. Of many." She huffed softly, moved a little closer. "Every time I saw one of those damn leather jackets." She breathed the words out shaking her head as she did.

"Wait. So you were looking for me?" He sounded surprised. "Why?"

A soft laugh coloured her words. "You're kinda hard to forget too. It was fun looking, until I had too much fun one night and had to stop." There was that confused look again. "Ben," she filled the blank for him.

"Oh." He was thinking of something, that distant look sliding quickly across his face.

"What is going on in that head of yours Mr Winchester?"

He moved closer, his breath warm on the skin of her cheek. "What would you have done if you had found me?" She liked the suggestion that the words held but she wasn't ready to bite yet. Not until he'd been here longer. Certainly not until he at least unpacked his damn bag and put his car in the drive.

"I have no idea." She went to roll away from him then but it was his hand that found her this time, finally finding her face, pushing some loose hairs from it. Soft eyes smiled gently at her.

"Guess we'll get to find out now then," he whispered against her flesh and that's when she felt it. That spark from before. The one that had sent her out after him. The one she'd tried to kill with those other guys. The one she'd look to find with someone else and had failed. The reason he was in her home now.

Her own eyes returned the smile and she found his mouth, pressed a gentle kiss to his lips. "Guess we just might."

**Chapter End Notes:**

Have you ever had that spark? I have. Married him.


	3. Chapter 3

**Author's Chapter Notes:**

Hi

Another one of these, this seems to be the only thing that I can write at the moment!

Life In A Box

Three days it took him to take his car in off the street and then Lisa was sure that it was only a near miss by the garbage truck that prompted it. Still he finally was and she watched as he manoeuvred her round her own little VW hatchback then swung her into the drive with an ease that she had never quite managed herself. The engine growled, almost sounding like a protest as he backed her up towards the garage and slotted her home against the wall opposite where Lisa was standing.

Lisa was sure the thing had almost scowled at her on the way past.

He sat there then, hands gripping the wheel, not moving until she stepped forward and leant in to turn the ignition off. The death of sound seemed to snap him out of wherever his head had taken him. "So, she fits," he commented as he stepped out, cranking up the window before he slammed the door shut.

Lisa walked round to the back of the car that was only just off the back wall of the garage. "Barely. I take it Gilbert's sleeping outside from now on?"

"Gilbert?," he inquired and she cheered internally as a little smile quirked at his lips. "You named your car?"

"You didn't?," she retorted.

"Hell no! My baby don't need a name. She's family." He ran his hands lovingly over the paintwork on her roof and Lisa wondered briefly if it was wrong to feel jealous of a car.

"Like baby isn't a name," she muttered, and alright she decided she had a right to feel a little jealous. Picking up the tarp she chucked it at him. "Do you want a hand to do the honours?"

He shook his head. "Nah, I got this." His eyebrow raised. "Coffee would be nice though." She was getting dismissed, she could tell.

Lisa rolled her eyes playfully and then went to him, kissing his cheek and then hitting him on the arm. "All I am in this house is a maid servant. One coffee, black and bitter, coming up." She stopped at the doorway, her eyes serious as they lit on him. "Don't stay out here too long," she requested, "your coffee will get cold," she used as the excuse to ask him not to.

Dean nodded his agreement and then watched as she disappeared off into the house.

The only noise in the garage now was the slow tick of the engine cooling, the sound like a heartbeat in the quiet. He stood there drinking her in, filing her in his memory, before he realised that he really should be moving.

"It isn't for forever," Dean whispered as he started to drape the cloth over the rear end of the car. "I just can't you know." He pulled it up to mid way and then stopped, hands again finding the paintwork, his touch a caress. "You hold too many memories old girl and this is gonna be tough enough without seeing you every day and knowing that Sam…well Sam ain't here, where he should be, riding shotgun." His head found the cool metal between his hands and the tarp. "So I'm sorry."

He flicked the tarp up and then pulled it down over her screen, the cloth sliding effortlessly down the smooth paintwork of her hood, shrouding her completely. Dean sorted the tarp down over her, making sure all her paintwork was covered. "I wouldn't make you suffer the indignity of being a shopping car anyway, you're more an open road kinda girl," he said fondly as he stepped to the door and took a final look back.

Pulling down the door he locked it and leant back on it, breathing deeply to calm the rising pain in his chest. "Another part of me locked away in a box," he uttered quietly, his hand giving the door a small tap as he stepped away, "but it wont be forever."

**Chapter End Notes:**

Thanks for reading!


	4. Chapter 4

A little light hearted step this time.

Enjoy x

* * *

"Does it bleep to tell you it's cold?"

The old man scratched, and then shook, his head.

"How about if you haven't fastened your seat belt?"

Another shake.

"How about if it's gonna run outta gas?"

Beside Dean Lisa groaned and looked apologetically at the man.

"Son, I can't say rightly that it does any of these things. What I can tell you, like I said in the advert is that it don't run."

Dean pulled his head out from under the hood and smiled. "So, if I can get it to run, how much do you want for it?" He wiped his hands on his jeans, earning a scowl this time from Lisa, and shot the old man down with his most disarming smile.

The old guy cackled. "Boy if you can bring this heap back from the dead then it'll be nothing short of a god damned miracle. I love the old girl, but again, like I said, all she's good for is parts. This engine is shot."

Dean put an arm round the man's shoulder and pulled him in. "If I can't get this truck breathing again I know someone that can…."

"Cas?" Lisa interrupted with confusion in her eyes.

"What the…?," Dean started to say, then laughed. "_**No,**_ Bobby?"

Lisa blushed. "Sorry it was the miracle talk and the bringing back from the dead, my mind just went to Cas, you can see why…..." Dean shot her a look as she rambled her thoughts out into the open. "Sorry." She stopped and held up her hands. "I'm just going to wait in the car. The one that beeps for everything," she finished.

"She all right?," the old guy queried with a chuckle.

"Heatstroke, been out in the sun too long," Dean offered.

The man next to him muttered an 'oh' while watching her walk away with an admiring glance at her backside as he did.

Dean caught the look and pushed with his shoulder. "Hey. Taken."

A grin met his. "I'm old, not dead." He rested his hand gently on the wing of the truck. "Three grand if you take her as is. One fifty if you get her running."

It was Dean's turn to look confused.

"Had this truck awhile now, a lot of history in that cab. Damn near delivered my granddaughter in her. You look like someone that might appreciate that. So, you want her or not?"

Dean's smile lit his face. "Can I come back tomorrow with some tools?"

* * *

Lisa sighed as Dean pulled the truck into her driveway. "So where am I suppose to park now?," she asked looking at the little bit of tarmac that was left behind.

"Don't worry Gilby will fit in there," he answered as he stepped down from the cab and reached to pull her in. "And I'll make it up to you."

"My car's name is Gilbert _not_ Gilby and oh no you don't. You'll be lucky to get into the house with all that muck on you never mind get anywhere near me."

"Is that a challenge? Sweaty mechanic not do it for you?" There was a little smirk in his voice as he spoke.

"Yes, no it doesn't and no, no, no!" She pushed him as he tried to get a hold of her, wriggling free as his hand caught her wrist, smearing grease round it. "You get any more of that on me and you're not getting in the house again, ever!," she huffed at him. "_D…ean!_ No!" Knowing it was futile Lisa still turned and made a break for the door. Her foot landed on the first step as his arms hooked her round her waist and drew her back to him, sliding under her shirt and smearing black marks on her waist. "You son of a bitch!"

Dean guffawed in her ear at her using his usual choice of curse. "Now, now, if I ain't allowed to use language like that, neither are you." He turned her in his arms. "Looks like I'm not the only one that needs a shower now?," he whispered suggestively in her ear, sliding a hand behind her and pulling her close, only to grunt in surprise as she punched him in the stomach making him let her go. She broke for the front lawn stopping when she realised that he wasn't following. The blast of icy, cold water that hit her told her why.

"Why you…..you…..!" Looking up she watched as he turned the tap off that worked the sprinklers in the lawn, laughing at her as he did.

"Guess you wont be needing that shower now after all," he chuckled and then let out a little sigh at the end, leering at her in her wet clothes as he did. "Pity."

She stood there lost for words as he sauntered into the house, luckily (for him) remembering to remove his shoes in the hall, and disappeared upstairs.

Shaking the water off her she looked up at the bedroom window and growled. Stomping over to the outside tap she looked at her watch, waiting a few minutes and then turn it on full blast.

The girly shriek from the shower had her smile returning as she dusted her hands against one another and went inside to clean up.


	5. Chapter 5

Little angsty one. Funny one to follow shortly and yeah, walls is coming. I promise!

* * *

"You don't understand," Dean told her as he swirled the whiskey in the glass in front of him, watching the light dancing on the pale, golden liquid.

Lisa's hand came to rest down on top of his, stilling the movement. "Then help me understand Dean. Please."

He turned to look at her. Sincere, worried eyes rested on his.

"I don't know if I can." He put the glass down and leant back on the couch, closing his eyes and trying to steady himself.

"Try. For me."

And there it was. The thing that he had been trying to explain to her laid out unwittingly by her own mouth.

"That's just it. Everything I do, everything I've ever done has been for someone else." He turned his head towards her. "I'm not sure if I can remember how to want something just for me, I'm not sure that I can."

Lisa sighed and leant forward, lips gently brushing his forehead and her hand brushing his cheek. "You can. If you want it badly enough you can have this. Me. Ben. Us."

Dean sighed and turned to look at the ceiling again. "It's just…there have been so many things that I've wanted in my life and do you know how many of them I've gotten? Huh?"

Lisa pressed a soft kiss to his ear and he shivered. "Tell me." She knew what he was going to say but Dean was sharing and she wanted to let him.

He let out a bitter little laugh. "None. All I ever got was what I didn't want. Started with my mother and not wanting her to be dead and then it just snowballed from there. Life on the road, flunking school, Dad dying, Sam leaving, Sam dying, Hell…..first me then him and don't get me started on the angels." He wiped at his face. "After a while it was just easier not to want anything, couldn't be disappointed then."

Lisa turned his head in her hands and made him look at her, his eyes showing her for the first time just how much pain he was carrying inside. "It's okay to want this Dean. This is something that you can have, we just need to work together at it." She paused. "That is, if this is what you really want."

He gave her a wry little smile. "I came here because Sam asked me to but really, I think I was going to anyway. After everything, I just…" He bit at his lip. "I just need something for me. I keep worrying that it's all going to go south or that you and Ben will end up getting hurt."

Lisa shrugged. "Things go south all the time Dean and shit happens but sometimes you just have to say 'fuck it' and grab what you've got with both hands. Worry about what is down the road later."

Dean laughed. "I can do that." He looked over at her, assessed her for a minute and then sat back. "Why did you let me in?"

She smiled. "I let you in because I wanted to. I wanted us to at least give it a try." Lisa leant in against his neck. "I think I've wanted that since the first day I met you. I just didn't realise it until you were standing on my doorstep."

Dean felt a warm little feeling creep through him that he didn't have a name for. "No one has ever needed me just for me. Dad needed me to help look after Sam and with the hunt. Sam needed me to be his big brother and to look out for him. It's always been about what I can do for other people and never about them doing anything for me. And I know how that sounds. Poor Dean, woe is me."

"Okay." Lisa sat up. "So you can't settle because this is something that you want to do and not something someone wants you to do for them?"

Dean looked over at her. "Kinda."

"Okay. I want you to do something for me."

He raised his eyebrows. "What?"

"I want you to be the best father to Ben that you can be. I want you to be there for him when he needs you. Think you can do that for me?" She gave him a shy little smile.

Dean sat quietly for a minute. "Yeah, I can do that." He let his hand drift down onto her leg, fingers idly caressing her thigh. "Anything else?"

She looked down at his hand resting on her, slid her fingers into his. "I want you to want me Dean. I want it a lot."

He got what she was saying. Love wasn't a word that either of them was going to use lightly. "That's good," he replied placing his lips to her neck and gently pressing a kiss against her skin. "I want that too."

And, even if it was just going to be just for that moment, he meant it.


	6. Chapter 6

Got a little inspiration for another chapter of this. x

* * *

One minute Dean was standing making sure than the burgers weren't going to be in danger of needing the last rites, laughing at something that Sid had said and the next he was heading into the house and Sid was at her side, worried, questioning eyes locked on hers.

"It wasn't something that you said Sid, honest," Lisa reassured him although she had no idea what 'it' was as she headed for the back door.

The house was quiet when she stepped inside only an overturn chair marking Dean's passage through its innards.

"Dean?" She called his name softly as she put her foot on the bottom step of the stairs and slowly made her way up.

_Please still be here,_ she prayed silently.

The room to the master bedroom was open. The light shone into it from the ensuite and there was the sound of retching. She found Dean on his knees inside, hunched over the toilet bowl, tears streaking his face which was a study in misery.

"Hey." Lisa knelt beside him, slipping her arm over his shoulders and gently hugging him to her. "Wanna tell me what's wrong? Did Sid say something?"

He wiped at the tracks of his tears as he lifted his head and turned to her. "No."

She waited, knowing enough by now that he would share when he was ready for it.

The silence stretched on and then he dropped his head down onto the rim of the bowl. "I was….we were laughing….I and... I felt happy...content….and then... just for a moment, I forgot."

"Forgot?," she coaxed him.

"Sam. I forgot that the he was burning in hell while I'm barbequing meat. That he'd be suffering and here I am laughing and joking in the damn sunshine. Friends, family….all the things he should have had."

"Dean…..,"

"I forgot my own brother….who,who does that?" His breath hitched through him and she tightened her grip afraid that he might vanish from in front of her if she let go.

"He wouldn't want you to be sad Dean. He sent you to me so you wouldn't be alone, sent you here so that you still had a family and someone that loves you. Relaxing and being happy Dean are part of that. So what if you just weren't thinking about him for one moment? That doesn't mean that you've forgotten him Dean, you couldn't do that. You aren't capable of that."

The words stung her because she knew that they were true and she knew that it was the thing that would stop him from ever being truly happy with her, the thing that would drive him from her eventually; either in the car in the garage back to his old life or at the end of the gun that he still kept under the bed into the next.


End file.
